A Helping Hand

Going by the order in the original Restoration play I'm adapting to a pornotropic Spectacular Spectacular, the previous Prickett and Swivia scene should actually come directly before this, but I rather think it might be better to introduce them earlier, with "A Most Obliging Friend" coming after "The Two-Timer's Waltz" and before "Comfort My Cock." This, then, would stand as a jaunty wee opener for Act Two.

Those familiar with The Farce of Sodom may note that I've brought Puckanello in to further the depraving of Prickett rather than, as per the original, one of Cuntigratia's maids. So yeah, the Puckinello character steals the spotlight. No surprise there. But besides and anyways... come on! Rochester, dude, you cannot follow full-on adolescent incest with just a hand-job by a random doxy. Is that what you call stepping up the action? I think not! It's tame, I say, tame, and we won't be having that, oh no.

No, I say! Unleash the Puck! I'll probably need him to royally fuck with that "fiery demons" ending, so we may as well let him slip the reins now.

*

"A Helping Hand"

[PRICKETT and SWIVIA as before. The opening of the music reprises the intro of "An Obliging Friend"]

Your love's grown cold, now you can do no more.
But how I love you better than before.

PRICKETT:
I dreamed a stream flowed through my prick like whites of eggs.

SWIVIA:
I dreamt that too; it ran between my legs.

[Reprising the main theme, but in a melancholic tempo and key:]

PRICKETT:
What makes this pearl upon my pintle's snout?

SWIVIA:
You lately fucked. And now your dream is out.

PRICKETT:
That I should lose my senses seems absurd
And yet, it's true, it's all a little blurred.

SWIVIA:
O, this cunt it has made your pintle weep for the pleasure that it got,
But it's lulled you into a gentle sleep and it's muddled your waking thought.

PRICKETT:
It's strange, the change, such a simple feat
All my senses fuddled by such a treat.
A gaping and hungry and hairy beast
Such a feast for a squeamish prick.
I have to admire it
Cause I still desire it
Although my heart is full.
Its curious hold
That melted the cold,
Makes my pintle want a pull.

SWIVIA:
New joy for a boy is a nice surprise.
But try it again other joys will arise.
A heart is forever a hole to fill,
And your skills will soon improve.
Come, try it again,
It'll ease your pain,
To do what you enjoy
What others resist
It shouldn't be missed
It's good for a growing boy.

PRICKETT:
The air down there's a peculiar thrill,
The heat of summer, the winter's chill.
My blood's beginning to beat once more
But it's sorely tired it seems.

SWIVIA:
Let me give it a feel.
But it's cold as steel.
We'll have to make it rise.
Put it in my trust,
I'll bring it to lust.
Just stroke my cunt and thighs.

Your cock's in need of a helping hand; I'll lend a hand to you.
With vim and vigour, I'll lend a hand, and you'll soon be keen to screw.
My cunt's in need of a helping hand; it needs assistance too.
With vim and vigour, now lend a hand; oh, Prickett, this just won't do.

[Noise within]

PRICKETT:
Wait, somebody's humming. Is somebody coming?

[Hurriedly covers up.]

SWIVIA:
It wouldn't be me or you.

[Enter PUCKINELLO.]

PUCKINELLO:
Twas the touch of the finger and thumb,
Puckinello's skin! Soft as sin!
That got Peen's pretty pintle to cum.
Hit his chin! Puckinello's win!

SWIVIA:
Sweet Puck, what luck, what a nice surprise!

PUCKINELLO:
Sweet Lady Swivia and -- oh my!
Am I disturbing some private games?

SWIVIA:
Was shame ever yours or mine?
You see what we've done.
We've only begun.
And already I've tired my hand
We'd like to continue
But as I'm all in, you--

PUCKINELLO:
Could easily make it stand.

Your cock's in need of a helping hand; I'll lend a hand to you.
With vim and vigour, I'll lend a hand, and you'll soon be keen to screw.

PRICKETT:
Sister Swivia, pass me to Puck.
Puckinello, try! Puckinello, try!
For some reason, I feel I'm in luck!
Don't know why! Don't know why!

SWIVIA:
Your cock's in need of a helping hand; I'll trust him with your sperm.
I'll put my property in his hands, but only with some terms.
With just the power of pounding hand, the first to make him hum,
When balls get tighter and pintle stands, they'll have the spurting cum.

PUCKINELLO:
Cross my heart -- if it's good with your grace?

PRICKETT:
I agree! Fine by me!
But now, sister, give over your place.
Puckanello, please! Have a squeeze!

PUCKINELLO:
Your cock's in need of a helping hand; I'll lend a hand to you.
With vim and vigour, I'll lend a hand; I'll wank you through and through.
Your cock's in need of a helping hand!

PRICKETT:
Puckanello, oh! Puckanello, whoa!

PUCKINELLO:
A little tickle upon the glans!

PRICKETT:
Puckanello, wow! Puckanello, ow!

PUCKINELLO:
A little nip and you'll see it dance!

PRICKETT:
Not so fast! Make it last!
Or the joy will soon be in the past!

SWIVIA:
See how his cheek has a ruddy glow.

PUCKINELLO:
See Prickett's pricket on overflow!

[Clamps his mouth over the cock.]

PRICKETT:
Puckanello, oh!

Now that was a wank!
All done and all thanks
To your treacherous helping hand!