Fire is Coming
Go ye and read this if you're wondering what the fuck this is.
And so we come to the big finale, a rousing reprise of "All Things Under Heaven." I'd kinda like to work in "The Gift of Sodomy" and the stripling's refrain from "Message from Gomorrah," to get a full-on medley for the end, but the tunes don't quite mesh in my mind... yet. Ach, if I do figure out how to weave it all together, I reckon that would likely work better as an epilogue, all the cast coming out on stage for their curtain call in a big feel-good victory chorus.
Cause, yeah, whaddaya know, I appear to have entirely fucked with Rochester's "if they play, they gotta pay" ending. Heh.
[Enter BOLLOX and BORASTUS and PUCKENELLO]
BOLLOX:
Man of philosophy,
The prick's repairman,
Why such a stranger?
We've missed your care, man!
FLUX:
With all my art, my lord,
I've worked to cure
The agonies, my lord,
We all endure.
An epidemic spreads in all our hearts.
It's eaten pricks and withered women's parts
The aged curse and envy all who fuck,
In impotence, they rot and stink of muck.
The children harbour heavy discontents,
Complaining sorely of their fundaments.
And worst of all, the young who never broke a noble vow.
Are taught to play at Love in ways that Nature disallows!
BOLLOX:
What act of Love does Nature contradict?
What act of Love makes Heaven curse a dick?
FLUX:
Even your family is in the trap.
The queen has crabs and Prickett has the clap.
Hysteria sends Swivia to her room
With pain and ulcerations in her womb.
BOLLOX:
Then fuck the Fate who castigates a little harmless fun
And why so sure that there's no cure, that nothing can be done?
FLUX:
The Laws of Nature all must be restored!
The sin of sodomy must be abhorred!
God only made the dirty deed a joy
To propagate the end that you destroy!
His mercy turns to wrath when he's displeased,
And strikes a land corrupted with disease.
BOLLOX:
I won't believe I have to leave a love that you call sin,
Who's been so long beloved; I say, bring me penicillin!
[A pedestal rises back of stage, PUCKINELLO standing on it, unlit.]
BOLLOX:
You say the sodomy will fuck my life.
You say it's nature's law to fuck a wife?
And did the gods who made a king of me
Not gimme freedom with mortality?
Not gimme human form of heaven's will?
I'll use the gift—I'll reign and bugger still.
[Lights on PUCKANELLO in white latex nurse's outifit.]
PUCKENELLO:
A pox on Flux, all pious fucks—I'd rather be a whore!
So deus ex machina, baby--science heals the sores!
[PUCKANELLO scatters pills to the wretches. They throw off their rags, revealing golden bodypaint, and dance, lifting PUCKANELLO down from his pedestal to lead them.]
[The clouds break up and fiery demons appear in the air. They dance and sing:]
DEMONS:
The fire is coming!
Buggers, buggers, hugger-mugger!
Fire is coming!
Scorch the frigging motherfuckers!
Fire is coming!
Cursing, blasphemous cocksuckers!
Fire is coming, it's too late to mend!
BOLLOX
Arise, and rally Sodom then, my city to defend!
[Enter CUNTIGRATIA with soldiers.]
CUNTIGRATIA:
Sweet Bollox, hark to that infernal choir
My wretched spirit fears a funeral pyre.
My lord, your day of judgement's coming soon
My lord, your lack of shame will be your doom.
The miseries of hell sent from above
Well, I'll be damned for your unbridled love.
But we will walk through all the plagues and pestilence and pain -- oh-oh-yeah!
Across the lake of fire, lord! Until we meet again!
[Leads the soldiers in a charge, driving the demons back, FLUX with them. They vanish in smoke.]
BORASTUS:
My lord, the gods are pimps compared to you.
Which of the gods has done what you can do?
PUCKANELLO:
Let angels come and make the world a grave
Evacuate the state to hidden caves!
BOLLOX:
I'll make the angels wank till bollocks weep:
You've wanked us out of our eternal sleep.
Go now to north, south, east and west, until the order's given:
Bugger God and drain his cod! Now we conquer heaven!
ALL:
Till the order's given:
Now we conquer heaven!
Till the order's given:
Now we conquer heaven!
Till the order's given:
Now we conquer heaven!
[The dancers scatter, whirling this way and that, and exit one by one.]
PUCKANELLO/BORASTUS
A fire is coming!
BOLLUX:
Call it Sodom and Gommorah!
PUCKANELLO/BORASTUS
Fire is coming!
BOLLUX:
Every city of tommorah!
PUCKANELLO/BORASTUS
Fire is coming!
BOLLUX:
See the future: Sodom rising!
PUCKANELLO/BORASTUS
Fire is coming, let it burn, burn, burn -- oh-oh-yeah!
BOLLUX:
On your buggered arse I'll die but Sodom will return!
[Exeunt omnes.]
[Enter two angels, FIRE and BRIMSTONE, and a CLOUD OF SMOKE appears. The angels look at the empty stage with confusion.]
[The curtain is drawn]
And so we come to the big finale, a rousing reprise of "All Things Under Heaven." I'd kinda like to work in "The Gift of Sodomy" and the stripling's refrain from "Message from Gomorrah," to get a full-on medley for the end, but the tunes don't quite mesh in my mind... yet. Ach, if I do figure out how to weave it all together, I reckon that would likely work better as an epilogue, all the cast coming out on stage for their curtain call in a big feel-good victory chorus.
Cause, yeah, whaddaya know, I appear to have entirely fucked with Rochester's "if they play, they gotta pay" ending. Heh.
*
"Fire is Coming"
[Enter BOLLOX and BORASTUS and PUCKENELLO]
BOLLOX:
Man of philosophy,
The prick's repairman,
Why such a stranger?
We've missed your care, man!
FLUX:
With all my art, my lord,
I've worked to cure
The agonies, my lord,
We all endure.
An epidemic spreads in all our hearts.
It's eaten pricks and withered women's parts
The aged curse and envy all who fuck,
In impotence, they rot and stink of muck.
The children harbour heavy discontents,
Complaining sorely of their fundaments.
And worst of all, the young who never broke a noble vow.
Are taught to play at Love in ways that Nature disallows!
BOLLOX:
What act of Love does Nature contradict?
What act of Love makes Heaven curse a dick?
FLUX:
Even your family is in the trap.
The queen has crabs and Prickett has the clap.
Hysteria sends Swivia to her room
With pain and ulcerations in her womb.
BOLLOX:
Then fuck the Fate who castigates a little harmless fun
And why so sure that there's no cure, that nothing can be done?
FLUX:
The Laws of Nature all must be restored!
The sin of sodomy must be abhorred!
God only made the dirty deed a joy
To propagate the end that you destroy!
His mercy turns to wrath when he's displeased,
And strikes a land corrupted with disease.
BOLLOX:
I won't believe I have to leave a love that you call sin,
Who's been so long beloved; I say, bring me penicillin!
[A pedestal rises back of stage, PUCKINELLO standing on it, unlit.]
BOLLOX:
You say the sodomy will fuck my life.
You say it's nature's law to fuck a wife?
And did the gods who made a king of me
Not gimme freedom with mortality?
Not gimme human form of heaven's will?
I'll use the gift—I'll reign and bugger still.
[Lights on PUCKANELLO in white latex nurse's outifit.]
PUCKENELLO:
A pox on Flux, all pious fucks—I'd rather be a whore!
So deus ex machina, baby--science heals the sores!
[PUCKANELLO scatters pills to the wretches. They throw off their rags, revealing golden bodypaint, and dance, lifting PUCKANELLO down from his pedestal to lead them.]
[The clouds break up and fiery demons appear in the air. They dance and sing:]
DEMONS:
The fire is coming!
Buggers, buggers, hugger-mugger!
Fire is coming!
Scorch the frigging motherfuckers!
Fire is coming!
Cursing, blasphemous cocksuckers!
Fire is coming, it's too late to mend!
BOLLOX
Arise, and rally Sodom then, my city to defend!
[Enter CUNTIGRATIA with soldiers.]
CUNTIGRATIA:
Sweet Bollox, hark to that infernal choir
My wretched spirit fears a funeral pyre.
My lord, your day of judgement's coming soon
My lord, your lack of shame will be your doom.
The miseries of hell sent from above
Well, I'll be damned for your unbridled love.
But we will walk through all the plagues and pestilence and pain -- oh-oh-yeah!
Across the lake of fire, lord! Until we meet again!
[Leads the soldiers in a charge, driving the demons back, FLUX with them. They vanish in smoke.]
BORASTUS:
My lord, the gods are pimps compared to you.
Which of the gods has done what you can do?
PUCKANELLO:
Let angels come and make the world a grave
Evacuate the state to hidden caves!
BOLLOX:
I'll make the angels wank till bollocks weep:
You've wanked us out of our eternal sleep.
Go now to north, south, east and west, until the order's given:
Bugger God and drain his cod! Now we conquer heaven!
ALL:
Till the order's given:
Now we conquer heaven!
Till the order's given:
Now we conquer heaven!
Till the order's given:
Now we conquer heaven!
[The dancers scatter, whirling this way and that, and exit one by one.]
PUCKANELLO/BORASTUS
A fire is coming!
BOLLUX:
Call it Sodom and Gommorah!
PUCKANELLO/BORASTUS
Fire is coming!
BOLLUX:
Every city of tommorah!
PUCKANELLO/BORASTUS
Fire is coming!
BOLLUX:
See the future: Sodom rising!
PUCKANELLO/BORASTUS
Fire is coming, let it burn, burn, burn -- oh-oh-yeah!
BOLLUX:
On your buggered arse I'll die but Sodom will return!
[Exeunt omnes.]
[Enter two angels, FIRE and BRIMSTONE, and a CLOUD OF SMOKE appears. The angels look at the empty stage with confusion.]
[The curtain is drawn]
Labels: Sodom! The Musical
posted by Hal Duncan | 6:54 pm
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