Mary Sue
UPDATE: And now we have the actual song.
Mary Sue
Mary Sue, Mary Sue,
You're the captain of your crew.
You're the princess of the pages of this book.
We'll suffer as you suffer through,
Though no-one counts but Mary Sue,
So all our sorrows will be overlooked.
Mary Sue! Mary Sue!
Is there anyone but you
Who knows the pain of being precious as a dove?
Oh, boo hoo! Boo hoo!
Sing a song for Mary Sue.
Ain't no misery as cruel as being loved.
Mary Sue, Mary Sue,
With your eyes of emerald blue
And your flowing locks of adamantine curls,
Your skin is smooth as buttercream
And all your charm is but a dream
Of being envied by all other girls.
Mary Sue! Mary Sue!
Is there anyone but you
Who knows the pain of being precious as a dove?
Oh, boo hoo! Boo hoo!
Sing a song for Mary Sue.
Ain't no misery as cruel as being loved.
Mary Sue, Mary Sue,
Why d'you do the things you do?
Your motives are a mystery to me.
The way you treat your Gay Best Friend,
It's all a bit BDSM,
And all without a hint of agency.
Mary Sue! Mary Sue!
Is there anyone but you
Who knows the pain of being precious as a dove?
Oh, boo hoo! Boo hoo!
Sing a song for Mary Sue.
Ain't no misery as cruel as being loved.
Mary Sue, Mary Sue,
You're a little plain, it's true;
Still they'll all be lining up to win your kiss.
A gentle boy with eyes of grey,
Obsessive, jealous, closet gay,
Oh, that brooding boy will be your perfect bliss.
Mary Sue! Mary Sue!
Is there anyone but you
Who knows the pain of being precious as a dove?
Oh, boo hoo! Boo hoo!
Sing a song for Mary Sue.
Ain't no misery as cruel as being loved.
Mary Sue, Mary Sue,
Other people suffer too.
Once I even saw you shed a tear for one.
A pretty boy with pretty hair,
Abused and soothed, and with your care
You nursed the gratitude you'd rightly won.
Mary Sue! Mary Sue!
Is there anyone but you
Who knows the pain of being precious as a dove?
Oh, boo hoo! Boo hoo!
Sing a song for Mary Sue.
Ain't no misery as cruel as being loved.
Mary Sue, Mary Sue,
Sell the gifts and buy a clue,
And give it to your author when you're done.
For all the wonder of your birth,
The real world of the actual earth
Revolves around this thing we call the sun.
Mary Sue! Mary Sue!
Is there anyone but you
Who knows the pain of being precious as a dove?
Oh, boo hoo! Boo hoo!
Sing a song for Mary Sue.
Ain't no misery as cruel as being loved.
Ain't no misery as cruel as being loved.
Mary Sue
Mary Sue, Mary Sue,
You're the captain of your crew.
You're the princess of the pages of this book.
We'll suffer as you suffer through,
Though no-one counts but Mary Sue,
So all our sorrows will be overlooked.
Mary Sue! Mary Sue!
Is there anyone but you
Who knows the pain of being precious as a dove?
Oh, boo hoo! Boo hoo!
Sing a song for Mary Sue.
Ain't no misery as cruel as being loved.
Mary Sue, Mary Sue,
With your eyes of emerald blue
And your flowing locks of adamantine curls,
Your skin is smooth as buttercream
And all your charm is but a dream
Of being envied by all other girls.
Mary Sue! Mary Sue!
Is there anyone but you
Who knows the pain of being precious as a dove?
Oh, boo hoo! Boo hoo!
Sing a song for Mary Sue.
Ain't no misery as cruel as being loved.
Mary Sue, Mary Sue,
Why d'you do the things you do?
Your motives are a mystery to me.
The way you treat your Gay Best Friend,
It's all a bit BDSM,
And all without a hint of agency.
Mary Sue! Mary Sue!
Is there anyone but you
Who knows the pain of being precious as a dove?
Oh, boo hoo! Boo hoo!
Sing a song for Mary Sue.
Ain't no misery as cruel as being loved.
Mary Sue, Mary Sue,
You're a little plain, it's true;
Still they'll all be lining up to win your kiss.
A gentle boy with eyes of grey,
Obsessive, jealous, closet gay,
Oh, that brooding boy will be your perfect bliss.
Mary Sue! Mary Sue!
Is there anyone but you
Who knows the pain of being precious as a dove?
Oh, boo hoo! Boo hoo!
Sing a song for Mary Sue.
Ain't no misery as cruel as being loved.
Mary Sue, Mary Sue,
Other people suffer too.
Once I even saw you shed a tear for one.
A pretty boy with pretty hair,
Abused and soothed, and with your care
You nursed the gratitude you'd rightly won.
Mary Sue! Mary Sue!
Is there anyone but you
Who knows the pain of being precious as a dove?
Oh, boo hoo! Boo hoo!
Sing a song for Mary Sue.
Ain't no misery as cruel as being loved.
Mary Sue, Mary Sue,
Sell the gifts and buy a clue,
And give it to your author when you're done.
For all the wonder of your birth,
The real world of the actual earth
Revolves around this thing we call the sun.
Mary Sue! Mary Sue!
Is there anyone but you
Who knows the pain of being precious as a dove?
Oh, boo hoo! Boo hoo!
Sing a song for Mary Sue.
Ain't no misery as cruel as being loved.
Ain't no misery as cruel as being loved.
Labels: music, Writing Craft
posted by Hal Duncan | 10:02 pm
5 Comments:
This comment has been removed by the author.
Did I inspire this?
LOL, how proud am I????
Ach, FWIW, Mary Sue and I are long-standing adversaries. She gets into soooooo many writers' works and destroys what could be a perfectly good story. The frustration she brings out in me is in proportion to the potential she does her best to ruin, and sooner or later irk always turns to satire round here.
Glad to see you taking it in good humour though. I do hope the critique's useful.
Humour is at my core so I always see the lighter side of things. So, helpful? Very much so :)
I wouldn't send work in if I thought the result would be positive because that'd just be a waste of money... Right? Anyway that's a first go and I knew it would never be great!
I never saw in Jessica and now I do :) I will ring at some point to discuss it but I am building a plan first!
Coolio. Yeah, the best critique I ever got was "bad Doctor Who fanfiction" (like, back when that meant Sylvester frickin McCoy.) Hurt like hell, but it was exactly what I needed to be told. And when a critique's being paid for... I always feel I'd be rooking the author (and patronising them) if I mince words and sugar-coat.
Anyhoo, just drop us an email when you're ready to chat. I'll look forward to hearing your attack plan. :)
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