No, WE Pardon YOU
WHEREAS Alan Mathison Turing at Knutsford Quarter Sessions on the 31st day of March 1952 pleaded guilty to and was convicted of divers counts of Oh My Lord Fucking Cock Almighty having the audacity to fuck and be fucked by persons of his own choice whose gender was none of your fucking business, and on that date sentence was postponed for a period of twelve months but the said Alan Matheson Turing was placed on Probation for a period of twelve months to submit for the fucking unspeakable abuse of chemical castration by a duly qualified medical practitioner at Manchester Royal Infirmary;
AND WHEREAS the said Alan Mathison Turing killed himself on the 7th day of June 1954 rather than suffer any longer the sheer fucking ignominy of this maltreatment;
NOW KNOW YE that We, in consideration of circumstances humbly represented unto Us, are Graciously pleased to extend Our Grace and Mercy unto you nation of heteronormative cuntfuckery, your sovereign and her government, and to grant you Our Free Pardon in respect of your responsibility for the said death;
AND to pardon and remit unto you the enmity imposed upon you for the aforesaid;
AND for so doing this shall be a sufficient warrant.