Notes from New Sodom

... rantings, ravings and ramblings of strange fiction writer, THE.... Sodomite Hal Duncan!!

Saturday, November 30, 2013

A Scruffian Christmas Carol 4

What folks don't know these days is that aktcherly that Burl Ives song about Santy Claws coming to town... it were a rewrite of an older Scruffian song as weren't about Santy Claws at all. It were about Bold Nick Scantilaw, the Rake as all em groanhuff legends were based on. We used to sing it all through the streets, see, in the run-up to Christmas Eve, so's all em groanhuffs what owned Scruffian slaves would catch a snatch of it as they passed, only they'd turn and, why, it would just seem like some harmless nippers playing hopscotch, singing pattycake, pattycake, baker's man or somesuch. Strange, they'd think, but they must've been mistook, yeah?

So on they'd walk, but then they'd pass another waif, one what had a hoop and stick or summat, and he'd be singing it too. Leastways, that groanhuff would've sworn he was singing it, the moment before he whirls on the nipper to find him singing something else. Or just not there. We's good at vanishing sharpish, like. Squirlet's especially good at it, natch, even when's she's wearing the brightest red duffel coat.

Sometimes we'd pick one particular bastard, and we'd makes it so's he couldn't go nowhere in the whole city without hearing that song, or even just the tune of it whistled. Every day from the First of December. We used to drives em crazy, we did. And I mean proper Bedlam crazy. Oh, it were a right lark!

Anyways, here's that little song for yez. Best hope yer don't ever hears it sung, as that'll mean some crib has it in for yer, and has passed on yer partic'lars to Bold Nick Scantilaw. And the pressie he'll be bringing yer on Christmas Eve... well, it ain't like to be one as fills yer heart with joy so much as empties it of blood.

You better stay safe
You better not buy
A Scruffian waif
I'm telling you why
Scantilaw is coming to town

He's making a list
And checking it twice;
He's gonna find out
What buggers to slice
Scantilaw is coming to town

He'll shiv yer when yer sleeping
He'll bleed yer till yer dead
He'll dance a jig upon yer corpse
Till his coat is stained bright red!

O! You better stay safe!
You better not buy
A Scruffian waif
I'm telling you why
Scantilaw is coming to town
Scantilaw is coming to town

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