(For Joseph Charles MacKenzie)
MacKenzie, you poor man's McGonagall,
rank mediocrity of wank and shite
that Burns wid ca' a bawheid's doggerel,
Ah'll spit a rhyme for ye: Ye cannae write.
A decorated poet? Aye! A dick
drawn on yer foreheid wi an inky wid
be fine and fitting, a humungous prick
and fuckin big block capitals: NAE GUID!
Naw, wait! Fuck drawing! Wi black biro and
a set of compasses, ah wid tattoo
yer fuckin travesty of verse by hand
aw o'er yer skelped-arse face in blue
of Picts and fitba' strips, the Scottish flag,
so's every one ae us Jock Tamson's Weans
at wan swatch ae yer ugly mug wid gag,
boak like at reekin pants wi squittery stains.
Yer rhyme for Trump's inauguration wank?
Huv ye drunk his spunk? D'ye fuckin swallow?
Like pus squeezed fae a beilin pluke, it's rank.
Ye've pisht on the Muses and Apollo.
Best of McLeod? Don't make me fuckin laugh.
Yer tangerine nazi rapeclown's fuckin loathed
by Scots who mind when rebels wurnae naff
gold-shittered gobshite Emperors unclothed.
Wallace and Bruce? Did ye watch Braveheart then?
Rob Roy wi Liam Neeson? Yer a joke!
Try John Maclean. Nae bonny hills and glens;
try our Red Clyde, ye fascist fuck, and choke.
It's fit, but, ah suppose, yer numpty's praise
shid come in scansion painful as the worst,
the world's worst, poor McGonagall: the days
aheid, we'll aw be sufferin, fuckin curst.
And aye, yer Tumshie Trump Train's on its way
Towards it's ain disastrous silvery Tay,
And yer best hope, McKenzie, is yer shitty fuckin rhyme
Will no be remembered--
wi yon prissy-lipped and fright-wigged
fake-tanned baby-handit Nazi bandit's
treasonous dismantling of the USA--
Will no be remembered--
wi yon tragic bawbag's Special Day,
remembered wi Traitor Trump's Inauguration,
remembered wi the Death of a Nation,
remembered as a literary punch bowl turd,
to poetry as Trump is to the presidency: a crime.
--remembered for,
in the world's worst poet's words,
a very long time.
That was verra good.
ReplyDeleteBravo. That was a thing of beauty.
ReplyDeleteYer ode isn't niggly,
ReplyDeleteThe bar steward is bigly,
His Orange gob shines bright,
But his heid's fu o' shite.
You've been linked, alas,
ReplyDeleteFrom Pharyngula's.
Fucking brilliant.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully fucking done!
ReplyDeleteFucking beautifully done!
Bloody bruwwiant.
ReplyDeleteLike Trump, that guy wasnae joking either, he's well deserving of any disses coming his way.
Fucking gorgeous. Thanks from America, where it's approximately 68 hours until the shitshow begins for real.
ReplyDeletethanks so much for the righteous scottish diss from many of us here in the US!
ReplyDeletebest laugh I have had for a long while
Perfect. Should be read at the protest marches on Saturday.
ReplyDeleteNow this is poetry
ReplyDeleteAn honest-to-god flyting! Excellent.
ReplyDeleteI love you. You are an excellent human
ReplyDeleteYou star.
ReplyDeleteAs an American, I would like to thank you for this.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could attend the upcoming flaming shitshow...I mean inauguration of Trumplethinskin and show him my ass while reciting this epic poem
Thank you, thank you! And please do a reading if you have time!
ReplyDeleteFucking perfect. You are a man of honour.
ReplyDeleteThank you, thank you.
ReplyDeleteThank you for so wonderfully, violently, truthfully saying what needed to be said.
ReplyDeleteNow that's a poem.
ReplyDeleteI love you want want to have your babies.
ReplyDeleteIs there any way someone could get Peter Capaldi to read this? That would be perfect.
ReplyDeleteI can't claim to be Peter Capaldi, but there is now a wee video reading of it, heh.
ReplyDeleteYe can find it on Vimeo here: https://vimeo.com/200104364
Or just go to the latest entry on the blog, where it's embedded. :)
That was bloody brilliant. I was wondering if there would be a reaction to that festering pile of gobshite that is Trumps narcissist-dream jack-off poem. You did not disappoint. :)
ReplyDelete